Animal Jokes
All the best Animal Jokes, allin one place to keep you laughing for hours.
Why don't dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Why did the cat sit on the computer?
To keep an eye on the mouse.
What do you call a cat that gets everything it wants?
Purrr-suasive.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies.
What do you call a sleeping dog?
A hush puppy.
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What do you call a dog that can tell time?
A watchdog.
Why did the cow go to outer space?
To see the Milky Way.
Why don't elephants use computers?
They're afraid of the mouse.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
What do you call a cow that plays an instrument?
A moo-sician.
What do you call a sad horse?
A nightmare.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
What do you call a pig that drives recklessly?
A road hog.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a well-balanced meal.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?
Anything you want, he can't hear you.
Why don't tigers eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What do you call a sleeping bear?
Don't call him anything, just run.
Why don't oysters share?
Because they're shellfish.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a shark that delivers toys?
Santa Jaws.
Why don't fish play basketball?
They're afraid of the net.
Why do fish swim in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What do you call a crab that throws things?
A lobster.
Why don't dolphins do well on tests?
Because they work below C level.
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it's too far to walk.
What do you call a bird that's afraid to fly?
Chicken.
What do you call an owl that does magic?
Hoo-dini.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost.
Why did the rooster refuse to fight?
He was chicken.
What do you call a snail on a ship?
A snailor.
What do you call a monkey that sells chips?
A chipmunk.
Why did the giraffe get bad grades?
He had his head in the clouds.
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Why did the rabbit go to the barber?
He had too many split hares.
What do you call a rabbit comedian?
A funny bunny.
Why did the mouse fail his driving test?
He kept squeaking the brakes.
What do you call a beaver that tells good jokes?
Dam funny.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.
What do you call a lizard that sings?
A rap-tile.
What do you call a snake that's exactly 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Why did the koala get promoted?
Because he was un-bear-ably good at his job.
What do you call a well-dressed lion?
A dandy-lion.
Why did the skunk call his lawyer?
Because he got into a stink with his landlord.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Bison.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
What do you call a bear in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans.
Why couldn't the pony sing?
Because she was a little horse.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What do you call a group of disorganized cats?
A cat-astrophe.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they'd be bagels.
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
Dam.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore.
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?
A maybe.
Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
What do you call a scary reindeer?
A cariboo.
Why does Scrooge love reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A lamborghini.
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad away.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have tiny ant-y bodies.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
